The Grumps

The past few days (weeks?), I have been quite grumpy and irritable. And you know, surprisingly, excessive TV watching, laziness, and self-justification doesn't actually help you get past the Grumps.

I know people do it after break-ups, bouts of depression, and terrible failures, so I always kind of figured it was a sort of cleanse which ends up leaving you feeling better. I don't know why I thought this, but if you too were under this impression, you should know that it's just not true. 

I know I should leave this stage and move on to the "take-things-into-your-own-hands" "up-and-at-'em" "pleasenter-to-be-around" stages, but I just started watching Felicity, which is a really quality TV show and I kind of get manic when it comes to love triangles. So for that reason I think I may need to remain in the TV-watching stage a little while longer.

You may be thinking "Oh no, what has happened to send Madeleine into this zombie-like, irritable state," but really it's not one thing. 

I guess I was getting stressed out about leaving home, and for some reason this caused me to feel easily angered. Then I just got so tired of my obsessive self-beautification regime, not that it's bad but I've just been working out a LOT and I'm needing a break. Can I do that? Will all my hard work be erased if I stop working for a few days? Some insane moments I convince myself it will. In those moments, I want to cry and eat ice-cream. But I don't. Somehow.

I don't have a solution for the Grumps right now. Can someone please come snuggle me? I'll probably get angry and tell you to get off and go away, but it'd be really nice if you just ignored me and held me tight and said "you'll be okay. In fact, you'll be AMAZING. You can be grumpy right now, but I still love you, and it doesn't change how great things are going to be. You'll see. I won't let go."

And then who knows, I may cry or fume or wiggle away or hold on to you so tight, because I never know what I'm going to do when I feel this way (that's a really scary thing by the way and an absolutely awful way to feel.) But in the end, if someone didn't stop hugging me even when my spikes were out, I can't even say how much better things would be.